Dear Captain Noah,
After listening to these weather forecasters, I really get confused. They never seem to be right about chances of rain or the wind direction or anything. You would think with the satellite pictures and high-tech equipment they could be very pinpointed about their forecasts.
POed on Forecasts

Dear POOF,
You might have noticed that the forecast may call for an 80% chance of rain today and perhaps 30% chance of rain tomorrow. Those figures come from a very sophisticated system and analysis.
Now, here is how they do it. Every farmer knows that “..if the leaves turn over, it is going to rain.” And another farmer’s axiom is “..if the cows lay down, it is going to rain.”
Keeping in mind there are lot more leaves than there are cows, the weather bureau takes the expedient way and counts how many cows are laying down and divides that number by the total number of cows, and they come up with a percentage chance of rain. (i.e., 80 out of 100 cows are laying down, therefore 80 is divided by 100 and the answer is 80%).
We must give a lot of credit to the weather people, for if they counted leaves it would take a lot longer, cost us all of lot more in tax money, and by the time the finished counting the weather would have come and gone.
Glad I could help straighten you out on this matter.
Captain Noah


Dear Captain Noah,
Have you been checking out these new fads of body piercing and tatoos all over the place. I think it is a horrible mutilation of the body. What do you think?
Aghast

Dear Aghast,
I think it’s great! A very good thing! It makes it easy to identify the kooks.
Captain Noah