I went through your difficulties too. One thing I learned about having outside assistance is that another option is to use them to keep the boat head to wind. One of my capsizes was while crewed. The crew stayed in the water and held onto the bow. I was surprised how quickly the boat popped up with them holding it into the wind. Other benefits. The boat is righted head to wind (no scared mackerel effect). The outside assistance isn't trying to maneuver around your masthead and all the lines and rigging there. So a line from a bow to your rescue boat should be quite effective.
You didn't mention your downhaul. It needs to be eased right off to destroy the sails aerodynamic shape. Otherwise any airflow is pulling it towards the water.
As mentioned you will need a knot or small loop on the righting line for your trapeze hook. This needs to be lower to the water than you probably think. Hanging from your arms, you probably aren't getting past the 45 degree angle. As the boat starts up you can reach up and grab the dolphin striker.